Food For Thought

Two months into my study abroad in Peru and I have yet to post anything about my time here. I guess I was never really sure where to begin.

I could go on at length about my struggles to adjust, the interesting people I’ve encountered or the passion I’m developing for this country. But that’s average.

The people, places and memories will always be there, but I can’t be certain I’ll remember this process of change I’m currently experiencing. This is what I feel is most important. I’ve been ridiculously stuck in the mindset that I need to simply accept who I am, and that’s that. But I no longer feel that’s the case.

If I can be bold in a physical sense, why can’t I push myself emotionally and mentally as well?

I seek adventure, and I test my physical limits. I try things simply to try them, without a second thought, if only to prove I am capable. I drive my family crazy with everything I decide to do.

But what about my attitude, my thoughts, my feelings? How do I step outside of my comfort zone in those regards?

The answer I’ve discovered is simple—I don’t.

It’s so easy for me to make the choice to willingly jump out of an airplane or hop onto one to jet off a foreign country, but I can’t shake the reservation that weighs me down. I don’t always accept people warmly and with open arms, and it’s difficult for me to let my personality flow freely at times. I don’t give everyone the chance or the time they deserve, and I definitely don’t give to others what I myself receive.

That’s the way I’ve been, but it’s not necessarily the way I always want to be. And this journey is helping me to learn the new ways I hope to push myself.

I want to be me, without regrets. I want to accept everyone for exactly who they are without expecting them to be someone else. I want to open my eyes and take in everything that others have to offer. I want to know people, truly know them, and allow them to know me. I want to soak up their ideas, their perspectives, their thought-processes, their opinions. I want others to see me as I actually am.

And honestly, I’m not sure if this will make sense to anyone other than me. And that’s okay. I’m still working through it myself, and I don’t think I even fully understand it yet.

The point is that I’m trying to.

*  *  *

“What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not, and most of the time it’s what makes you great.”

Advertisements